sobriety

On January 1st 2020, I woke up hungover again in an AirBnB in Toronto. The night before on New Years Eve I was drinking with Russians. The mixture of booze and pot and cigarettes would be coursing through my veins for the last time. Although I didn’t know that at the time. At the time I was partying too hard in hopes of having fun. Did I have fun? I don’t really remember.

Being hungover from drugs and booze is a terrible feeling. No shit right.

When I would do mdma (purest form of ecstasy) I would feel on top of the world. But the next few days to a week, I would feel like an empty robot. Just going through the motions and wondering why I couldn’t feel happy.

When I would do cocaine I would love chatting with people. But the next few days or week, I would feel off. Like my skin wanted to jump away from my body.

When I would smoke weed all day I would be giggly and cheerful. But the next few days or week, I would be in a haze of confusion and not entirely present.

When I would drink booze I would feel amped up and ready for anything. But the next few days or week, I would be lazy and sick.

Each and every time I took drugs or drank booze, I would immediately feel “good.” But after taking those substances, my body, mind, and soul would feel used up and wounded. Compound this binge drinking and drug taking, that means everyday I would be recovering and useless. This went on for the entirety of my twenties and into my thirties.

This happens to so many people. Everyone I’ve every hung out with. People like me when they’re younger, who lack a real authentic personality, are led to drugs and alcohol as a way to “find themselves.” But that’s bullshit. People say the real you comes out when you drink and do drugs but that can’t be true. The real you never had a chance to come out because it was being bogged down by substances taking over your brain and body.

It was never in the cards for me to do drugs and alcohol in moderation. If you’re one of those people how can smoke a joint once a month or have two or three beers a week, consider yourself lucky. Whether it’s genetics or self-control, you’re doing something right.

On January 1st 2020, I woke up hungover for the last time. That was three and a half years ago. My body is in the best shape of my life. My thinking is clear and I have healthy goals. And my relationships, although could always improve, are the best they ever have been with my wife, parents, and brother.

You do what you want. You’re an adult. I’m not going to tell you not to do drugs or drink booze. But you know how bad they can be if you can’t control them or yourself. Damn I’m starting to sound like an after-school anti-drug PSA. That’s not what I want. I just want you to consider what your life could be like if you quit drugs and alcohol cold-turkey. My life is better, yours could be too. Try it out and let me know how it’s going.